The Tricky Question Of Whether To Include Children In Your Wedding
Without a doubt children are usually the focal point and delight of any marriage. But this is not to say that they are particularly suited to weddings. Often a wedding is an adult occasion - which can create some problems.
When all of your arrangements have been made: the location, cars and entertainment booked, and an exotic honeymoon on the horizon, do not overlook a subject that could possibly mar the wedding - children , or more bluntly or, rather, whether they should attend.
Certainly, inviting children may cause problems. Let’s be honest about this. To the average small child, weddings are a total bore. They have to spend hours hanging around in unfamiliar smart clothes. A church service is not exactly designed as children’s entertainment (after all, even some of the adult visitors find it a trifle boring…) The events of the day which are often the very opposite of their usual routine at home hardly fit in with their routine. Their demands for attention are ignored because people are too busy with the wedding formalities - or meeting people they haven’t seen in years.
All this makes them very receptive to the general air of excitement around them - and this is when high spirits can take over.
With all the tons of advice published about wedding arrangements, you will find little or nothing about how to deal with the children.
You have some choices.
1. The ‘No Children’ rule
Some wedding horror stories include a wedding where the top table was completely demolished, cake and all, by children careering around and pulling at the tablecloth … During the speeches, they ran up and down the hall around the tables, squealing and shrieking. … Occasionally a guest - not a parent - tried to stop them. They thought that was part of the game - and got worse …None of their parents made a move to stop them. Nobody could hear a word.
Unfortunately you can not guarantee parents will be responsible and keep control of their children. You may be one of a handful of unfortunate couples who “offend” some people by imposing a “no children” rule at their wedding. But do not fret as it is usually only the parents of totally unruly children that are offended. But stand fast and remember it is your day not theirs. True friends will go along with whatever you choose to make the day a happy one.
To promote better understanding, you couldring up to explain your decision, rather than merely adding a bald statement to the invitation.
Do not feel bad, lots of parents would prefer to go to a wedding with a babysitter at home looking after their precious children. Lots of children are at weddings, because relatives think that the little ones are expected to attend, not because the parents want them to be there cramping their style and quashing their enjoyment of an adult celebration.
2. You could allow children at your wedding but remember this is not a kiddies birthday party so if possible keep their numbers as low as possible.
Remember that at a wedding, the responsibility has to be on the parent of the child to make sure that a child’s behaviour does not cause worry and distress to anyone at the wedding.
So, here are some helpful suggestions which might be useful to distribute to parents -if you can do so diplomatically…
* Parents should decide beforehand, who will be the one to take a fretful son or daughter out of the church.
* Ask parents with small children to sit near the back of the church if possible so that you can leave with a minimum of fuss.
* Parents should take small, quiet toys or books into the church for young child to play with.
* Little packets of raisins can be eaten without making a mess and too much sound and will fill another 10 minutes.
* Ask someone to make sure that parents with children where the toilets are before the service starts.
* Appoint a guest a special usher to assist parents at the church service - this person should help the parents with children to an appropriate place towards the back of the churh, explain where the toilets are and hand out little kiddy welcome packs to help pass the time during the service
* For the reception dinner, make sure that there are child friendly meals for all children. Not all kids like foie gras or salmon with asparagus. Ask the caterers what child’s meals they offer and make sure that parents are given the options.
* If parents have a child who is a particularly fastidious faddy eater, then sugest that they take along a sandwich for him to have at the reception.
* An excited hungry child is much worse than just an excited child
* Make sure that parents are told if punch is alcoholic so that young kids are given strict instructs and do not get paralytic and have to be rushed to hospital
* Enquirewhether there is a place where kids can run off steam and all of their excitement
* Is there a quiet spot available so that young children can have their usual afternoon [/spin]sleep|nap[/spin].
* Young children simply are not capable of sitting and listening to long speeches so if they are not asleep parents should be expected to take turns to entertain them or walk around with them
* if a child becomes tired and over-excited it is time for the parents to leave or to hand the tired little angel over to a resident babysitter
3. You could invite only a handful of children and limit children to only close relatives. Hopefully you know these children well and will have some idea how they will behave and how responsible their parents will be. Often children just attend the church service and are handed to a babysitter for the reception. This is a great compromise. The kiddies can be there for some group family photographs and not possibly mar the evening celebration.
At our wedding chateau we can have a creche set up for you so you can enjoy your chateau wedding without interruption. You can have your castle wedding with or without children.